Raising children is one of the hardest tasks in life if not the HARDEST! and societies “norms” don’t really help! Because of how our culture is now, I notice many parents feeling the pressures of keeping up with technology, buying property and keeping up with the latest trends. This is all fine for an adult (with moderation in my opinion) but these behaviors spill over to our children. Now don’t get this post twisted. I too like to splurge from time to time on my kids but sometimes it can go too far.
One clear indicator the “spoiling” is going too far, is a bratty child. They now expect the things that were made to be treats and for special occasions because we as parents have made them a day to day thing. As parents one of our jobs is to raise children that others will like too. YUP I said it! Ever think to yourself “wow what a spoiled little brat” Well this is what we are doing to our own children. Because we love them so much we want to give them everything we didn’t have. But this mentality can hurt them in the process. With out earning some things they will learn to be unappreciative and will never know the value of money and how hard you as the parent had to work to get them said gift.
I was making these exact mistakes. I would take my “Big Red” to Dunkin Donuts almost daily. I would get my coffee and he would get a treat (munchkins or a strawberry frosted donut) As time went on and it became a routine, if i did not get him the treat he would flip out. Another example of my own mistakes is that Big Red has so many toys, he could not keep track and wanted more and more and more also resulting in a major tantrum. This had to stop. As young as he is I put him to work. Cleaning up his toys, putting his plate in the sink after eating and even helping his dad take out the trash and recycle. I started giving him change to put in his piggy bank so he can understand what “earning” means. I went to the bank with him and opened up a bank account for him. He deposits all of his change and now is grasping the idea that “things” cost money.
So my fellow Day 2 Day Moms here are some myths about parenting (please note that the NEEDS and WANTS for our children are very different)
#1. Children DO NOT NEED to grow up in a HOUSE to be happy and well rounded! Living in an apartment is just fine. Children do not know the difference. Their home environment is whats important! It is a loving environment? Do they have a safe roof over their head? is there enough food? do they have clean clothes? Yes parents! the pressure is off! If buying a home is a dream of yours then by all means go for it! Its a wonderful blessing, but for those who don’t want the headache of shoveling, paying for random VERY expensive repairs, RENT ON!
#2. Children DO NOT NEED their OWN ROOM. Man come on! I grew up sharing a room with my brother in a Brooklyn apartment and had no idea it could be different. I was happy and it was just how it was! There is no harm in sharing a room, in fact it helps with siblings learning to live with one another, sharing and fosters a close bond with one another.
#3. Children DO NOT NEED a pair of JORDAN’S ! This is a very nice treat from time to time but trust me moms you don’t want to make a habit out of this! These little people will grow up to be Jordan (or any other name brand for that matter) fans and will now expect $200 pair of sneakers all the time. I don’t know about you but this is too rich for my blood especially with how fast children grow out of things. My goal is to raise a young man who does not see labels as a necessity and as a way to define his “coolness” There are way more important things in life and labels (to me) is not one of them. Please understand that I like Jordan’s and really Air Max are my favorite, i’m just saying material things should not be a child’s focal point.
#4 Children DO NOT NEED an IPHONE/ CELL PHONE of any kind. This is simple as that! I have seen 7 year olds walking around with a newer phone than me. Cell phones are meant for communication. I do not want my child communicating with ANYONE so freely. The only people they need to communicate with is me and their dad at this stage. Now in days there are an astronomical number of ill intention-ed people out there just looking to lure children by any means necessary. I refuse to give my child the tools to be hurt! Cell phones are an excellent tool to get in touch with an inexperienced child.
#5 Children DO NOT NEED to be HIT as a normal form of punishment. I am not saying I don’t believe in spanking but I believe more in talking and explaining things to your child. Children mimic your behaviors and if hitting/ yelling are the first things you do when your child needs to be corrected, guess what, they will do the same with you and others. There are times that a child needs to be heard out and be spoken to about their behavior and why it is not appropriate. The old mentality that “Children should be seen and not heard” are dated and shows not to be a good method. Rather, speaking to your kids and making them understand why you want them to do something is better for you and the child. Also punishing your kids lasts way longer than a spank! The sting of a spank goes away quickly, a punishment (taking away a toy or not being allowed to watch a favorite show) is more impacting and more likely to help change your child’s unwanted behavior.
Hope this was insightful! Please comment and give your own myths of parenting