I have been separate from you. I come in and out. You are always there. I can always feel your presence watching over me and my family. Sometimes I realize that you hand is over my life or a particular situation. I have not taken the time to thank you and show that I am grateful. I am so appreciative of all you have saved me from, blessed me with and continue to do for me and my family. Your hand over my life is a pure demonstration of the love you have for me. I know that without your intervention in my life I would be nowhere, in the gutter, miserable with no future. Thank you for your endless mercy and your unconditional love.
Mami tells me that if she as my mother can look at me as “’almost perfect” then you must look at me with so much more love. That really helped me understand a little bit of how deep your love is for us. I really want to show you that I love you too but I always mess up. When I mess up I feel like I cannot make up for it. Like it’s too late to take back what I’ve done. I feel discouraged when I (feel like ) I can’t help myself. I feel like when I pray they are not real and like maybe I don’t mean it and don’t really want to change my ways? But I do.
I want to have more integrity, I want to have a better character. I want to have a better relationship with my husband. I want to serve in the church and be good at it, but I don’t want to feel useless doing so. Am I looking for validation of how “awesome” I am even in the church? Do I want to be acknowledged for MY good works while I’m supposed to be doing your work? I worry about this and fear that I am this way!
I want these feelings and ways of being taken from me because I know that it will keep me from you. How can I want to serve you and want to be acknowledged for “my good works” at the same time? The two just don’t go together!
I have to write my prayers down because I find that any other way I attempt to pray I get distracted and will not finish them. I also feel like I don’t get everything that I want to say out. I like writing because I almost feel like you are sitting here with me as I write and are intently listening? How can you give me your undivided and be God to everyone else? It truly is a mystery.
I want to not be so selfish. When I pray I feel like I am always asking for something like “please protect my family” etc when I think to myself should I be praying for something or someone else? How do I pray? Am I doing it wrong?
All I can say is this right now, and im not sure if its right but I know its in my heart. Lord, Please guide me in ALL I do! Thank you for my children. I know that they are blessings straight from you and I thank you for the honor in taking care of them. Guide me and help me to teach them your word and ways. That they become Men of God and serve you whole heartedly. Please help me raise kind, gentle , compassionate men. Men who take care of their wives and children. Men who serve in their church and community. Men who have a heart after you and never stray from it. Please keep them safe and place a hedge of protection over them where ever they may go. Please give them health and smarts so that they are prepared for the life here on earth while we wait for the second coming of your son Jesus Christ. Help me and Jon to have the knowledge to help prepare them for this life and the next.
Thank you for all the wonderful times I have had with my family thus far. Thank you for allowing me to be a mother, the best privilege and honor here on earth (to me at least). Thank you for the luxuries in my life (water, heat, food, shelter, clothes, family, a job, cars, life breath, a husband) I can really go on and on.
Lord I also put Kaleb in your hands. I ask that this birth has no complications and that Kaleb is born healthy. I give him to you and declare him a child of the Lord. Although he is not yet born I pray your will over his life. I pray he and Aaron are a mighty force for the Kingdom of God. I want my children to be called into the gates of Heaven when it is time and be with their maker, the one who LOVES without being loved back.
Lord, change my life around. Consume me from the inside out Lord and let your light shine through me. Allow my life to be a testimony that will attract others to want to know more of you. Help me to get to know more of you. Take away my usual excuses and convict me of what should not be.
Help me to pray for my husband more. Help me support him more and to think of what he needs. I want to be a wise wife and be the “help mate” you have called me to be.
If I have forgotten other things that you know are in my heart, thanks for understanding them without me saying it.
In Jesus name,